My Grandma's Gumdrop Cake

When I was a kid, this was my favourite thing that my grandma made.  And it still kind of is even though my childhood and alas my grandma are long gone... I make it for the holidays every year, and it never fails that I will eat this stuff without remorse or a shred of self-control until it's gone.  I simply can't leave it alone.  My son has inherited this fondness - errr, weakness? - so now I have to double the recipe so that I'll feel sated that I've had my fill.  Bloody kids; see what they do to your life?  ;-P

Gumdrop Cake

1 cup vegetable shortening
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups plus 1/2 cup flour
2 cups sugar
1 1/2 cups applesauce
1 teaspoon baking soda dissolved in 2 teaspoons hot water
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cloves
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pound pitted dates
2 pounds large gumdrops or jelly fruit slices (no liquorice ones)

Heat oven to 300F.  Cut dates and gumdrops in half into a bowl and mix with 1/2 cup flour.

Cream shortening and sugar.  Add beaten eggs.  Sift flour, salt, and spices together.  Add flour alternately with applesauce to batter.  Stir in vanilla and baking soda.  Fold gumdrops and dates into batter.

Bake in six prepared medium loaf pans for 1 1/2 hours, or until wooden pick inserted in centre comes out clean.  Gently remove from pans and cool on baking rack.

Rumble for a Crumble

Blackberry Crumble

1 quart fresh blackberries

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup quick cooking oats

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter

2 tablespoons creme de cassis

Heat oven to 350F.  Place blackberries in large bowl.  Sprinkle with sugar and creme de cassis; mix well.  Let stand for several minutes.  Combine oats, flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon in another bowl; mix well.  Cut in butter with a pastry cutter or two knives until crumbly.  Spoon blackberries evenly into buttered 8" square baking dish.  Sprinkle crumble mixture over top of berries.  Bake for 30-35 minutes.  Allow to cool slightly; best served with custard or vanilla ice cream!

Swedish Kringle

Who knew that something consisting in large part of flour, water, and butter could be so amazing?  This has become a real unexpected favourite at our house.  You certainly can't go wrong with Scandinavian baked goods and their distinctive almond motif and simplicity of ingredients.

Swedish Kringle
Makes 2, so you can hog one all to yourself and let the others fight over the second.

Crust:
1 cup flour
1/2 cup (1 stick) cold butter
1 tablespoon water

Topping:
1 cup water
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter
1 cup flour
3 large eggs, room temperature
1 teaspoon almond extract

Frosting:
2 cups confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon butter, softened
1 teaspoon almond extract
3 tablespoons heavy whipping cream or whole milk
Heat oven to 350F. 

Make the crust.  Place the flour and butter in the bowl of a food processor.  Pulse until mixture resembles coarse crumbs with some pea-sized pieces.  With the machine running, add water and process until the dough is formed.  Put dough on a lightly floured surface and shape into a ball.  Divide the dough in half.  Press each half into a strip about 3 inches wide and 10 inches long on a ungreased baking sheet.

The dough.

Make the topping. Heat the water and butter in a medium sauce pan over medium-high heat until the butter is melted and the liquid is boiling.  Add the flour all at once and whisk until a thick paste forms and leaves the sides of the pan.  Cook about 1 minute longer, stirring constantly to evaporate excess moisture.  Remove from the heat and cool at least 5 minutes to prevent the eggs from cooking when you add them.

The topping, midway through.

Using a hand mixer or whisk, beat in the eggs, one at a time, beating well after each egg.  Each egg should be completely mixed in before the next egg is added.  Stir in almond extract.  Spread over the pastry strips, spreading almost to the edges.  

 Ready for baking.

Bake 50 to 60 minutes or until puffed and golden brown.  Cool on wire cooling rack.  As the pastry cools, it will collapse.  Cool completely.

Out of the oven.  No, you're not imagining it.  It looks pretty much the same as uncooked.

Make the frosting. Mix the confectioners' sugar, butter, almond extract, and 2 tablespoons whipping cream or milk until smooth.  Add more whipping cream or milk if needed for spreading consistency. Spread over pastry.  Cut into slices before serving.

Recipe from Food Blogga.

Chile Colorado & Mexican Rice

Chile Colorado

1 1/2 pounds stew beef (but I use top sirloin) cubed in 1/2" pieces
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 yellow onion, minced fine
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 28-ounce can enchilada sauce (at whatever spice level you like)
1 cup beef broth
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
2 tablespoons flour

In a dutch oven, heat oil.  Add meat, onions, and garlic and cook until onions are translucent and meat browned all over.  Add flour and cook until absorbed.  Add cumin and chili powder.  Add broth, simmer until thickened into a gravy.  Add enchilada sauce.  Cover and simmer over low heat until meat is tender - 2 1/2 to 3 hours.  Serve with Mexican rice.


Mexican Rice

1 cup white rice
2 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) tomato paste
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/4 cup of freshly chopped cilantro
2 teaspoons cumin

In a medium pan, add rice and chicken broth.  Bring to a boil over high heat.  Stir.  Cover the pot, lower the heat to low and simmer for 17-20 minutes.  Remove from heat and keep pan covered for 5 more minutes.

While the rice is cooking, heat the olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.  Cook the onions for 10 minutes, until translucent and starting to brown.  Add the garlic to the skillet and cook for one minute, stirring constantly.  Stir in tomato paste and cumin and cook for another minute or two.  Mix in hot, cooked rice, lime juice, and cilantro.  Mix until well combined.

Chocolate Coconut Almond Ice Cream

So after yesterday's coconut cake bread I had half a can of coconut milk left over, so decided to try out some kind of coconut ice cream.  I also decided to use coconut cream in the ice cream... of which I now have - you guessed it - half a can left over.  So now I'm looking for yet another coconut recipe... in any case, this ice cream turned out quite well.  And I added chocolate because, well.... because chocolate.

Chocolate Coconut Almond Ice Cream

1 cup sugar
5 egg yolks

1 cup milk

 ¾ cup canned coconut cream
1 cup canned coconut milk
1 cup dried shredded coconut

½ cup slivered almonds
1 teaspoon coconut flavouring (extract)

½ cup cocoa powder

In a saucepan over medium heat, toast dried coconut and almonds.  When golden brown, transfer to a bowl and set aside.

In the now-empty saucepan, mix egg yolks, cocoa, and sugar.   Over medium heat, add milk and coconut milk in a slow stream while whisking.  Bring to simmer, but be careful not to cook it too much as you don't want the yolks to scramble!  Remove from heat, whisk in coconut cream, coconut extract, shredded coconut and almonds.  Put in fridge to cool.  Once chilled, freeze in ice cream maker following manufacturer's directions.

I'm Cuckoo For Coconuts

Is it cake?  Is it bread?  Errr.... yes!  Well, who the hell cares - whatever it is it's full of coconutty good stuff.

Coconut Cake Bread

2 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon coconut extract

2 eggs

3/4 cup canned coconut milk

1 generous cup packed flake coconut

Heat oven to 350F.  Prepare two 9 x 5 loaf pans.

In a bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, and salt.  Set aside.  In another bowl (or mixer), beat together butter and vanilla and coconut extract.  Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.  Add coconut milk alternately the dry ingredients, beginning and ending with the dry.  Fold in coconut.

Split batter into the two prepared pans.  Bake 45 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in centre comes out clean.  Cool in pan 10 minutes, then turn out onto wire rack to cool completely.

Fruitcake You Won't Use As A Doorstop

The common impression of fruitcake can be summed up by this illustration by Edward Gorey:

Here's how to make a fruitcake that's more likely to be eaten by humans than fish.

Fruitcake You Won't Use As A Doorstop

Fruit
You'll need a total of about 2 3/4 pounds dried fruit.
4 cups mixed dried fruit - raisins, apricots, pineapple, cherries, cranberries, papaya, or whatever sounds good. Chop larger fruits into pieces.
1 1/2 cups dates, chopped
6 ounces red and green candied cherries
1/3 cup diced crystallized ginger
3/4 cup dark rum or brandy

Batter
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter
2 cups dark brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon baking powder
4 large eggs
3 cups flour
2 tablespoons dark cocoa
1/2 cup golden syrup or dark corn syrup
1/2 cup apple or cranberry juice
2 cups chopped, toasted nuts (almonds, pecans, or walnuts)
rum or brandy for basting

The Fruit: Combine all of the fruit ingredients in a non-reactive bowl and soak overnight.

The Batter: Cream the butter with the sugar.  Beat in the eggs one at a time.  In a separate bowl whisk together the flour, spices, baking powder, and cocoa.  Add about half of the flour mixture and all the syrup to the batter.  Then add the remaining flour and the juice and mix well.  Fold in the fruits and any of the remaining soaking liquid, and the nuts.

Heat oven to 300F.  Grease the bottom and sides of the pans.  This recipe makes enough for 6 medium loaves or two 9 x 5-inch loaf pans.  Spoon the batter into the pans, filling them about 3/4 full.

Shown here is a doubled recipe, making 12 gift-sized loaves

Bake the cakes on the middle shelf of the oven -- 75 minutes for medium loaves, and 2 hours 15 minutes for large loaves.  The cakes are done when a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean.

Remove the cakes from the oven and brush them with rum or brandy.  Let them cool in the pans.  When you have removed the cooled cakes from pans, brush all surfaces again with rum or brandy.

Wrap the cakes in cheesecloth, then in aluminum foil or plastic wrap, and store them in a cool, dry place.  Unwrap the cakes every week (for up to 5 weeks) and brush them with more booze (sometimes I'll use a little cherry Torani syrup as well). By the fifth week the cakes will have absorbed as much liquid as they're capable of.  They'll keep for several months this way, as long as they're tightly wrapped.  The flavour improves and mellows over time.

Recipe adapted from King Arthur Flour.

Pasta alla Puttanesca - What Ho!

There're a lot of apocryphal tales of puttanesca sauce having been created by Italian prostitutes, who used the delightful cooking smells of this dish to lure in customers.  While it's a cute, slightly risque story, it's most likely a bunch of hooey, from what I've read - but who really cares, because this sauce is spicy and salty and wonderful.  Whores or no whores, this stuff is good! (there's a phrase I don't get to say very often...)  If your nose isn't running by the time you've finished dinner, you're doing it wrong. 

Pasta alla Puttanesca

1/2 pound pasta
1/8 cup extra virgin olive oil
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 yellow onion, minced
3 anchovy filets, cut into bits (I used anchovy paste, but filets are better)
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon tomato paste
2 tablespoons capers, well drained
1/3 cup Kalamata olives, sliced
1 14.5-oz can pureed or diced tomatoes

Bring a pot of water to a boil for the pasta.  When the water reaches a boil, pour the olive oil into a big pan with a lid (large enough to accommodate the cooked pasta).  Put the onion, garlic, and anchovies into the cold oil and bring the heat up to medium-high. When it starts sizzling stir it all around.  Garlic can burn quickly, so watch carefully; push the garlic/onion/anchovy mix to one half of the skillet, and in the other half shake in the red pepper flakes to taste and add the tomato paste.  Stir the tomato paste around in its spot for a moment and then stir everything in the skillet all together.  Add the capers and olives and give it a stir, and finally, add the tomatoes.  Bring the sauce to a boil, then cover and lower the heat to low so it simmers. 

Boil the pasta.  While it's cooking, check the sauce and adjust seasoning if needed - add fresh ground black pepper if you like.  Now let it cook with the lid off so it thickens for the remaining time it takes for the pasta to cook.

When the pasta is al dente, drain it and add it to the sauce. Stir well to coat.  Serve with lots of Parmesan cheese!

Lasagna Bolognese

Good lasagna - it's a bit of work, but worth it and will keep you going for days.

 
Lasagna Bolognese
Adapted from Cooks' Illustrated.

For Meat Sauce (Ragù)

1 medium carrot, peeled and roughly chopped
2 medium celery rib, roughly chopped
1 small onion, roughly chopped
4 cloves garlic
1 can (28 ounces) crushed tomatoes
8 ounces ground beef
8 ounces ground pork
8 ounces ground veal
1 1/2 cups milk
1 1/2 cups full-bodied red wine
1 6-ounce can tomato paste
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon basil

For Béchamel:

4 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup flour
4 cups milk
3/4 teaspoon salt

For Noodles and Cheese:

12 sheets (9 ounces) no-boil lasagna noodles (I use Barilla)
8 ounces Parmesan cheese, grated (2 cups)

For the meat sauce: Process carrot, celery, garlic, and onion in food processor until finely chopped, about ten 1-second pulses, scraping down bowl as necessary.  Heat butter in heavy-bottomed Dutch oven over medium heat until foaming; add the chopped vegetables and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened but not browned, about 4 minutes.  Add ground meats and cook, breaking meat into small pieces with wooden spoon, about 1 minute. Add milk and stir, breaking meat into pieces as small as you can.  Bring to simmer and cook, stirring to break meat into ever-smaller pieces, until almost all liquid has evaporated, 20-30 minutes.  Using potato masher or wooden spoon, break up any remaining clumps of meat (no large pieces should remain).  Add wine and bring to simmer; cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid has evaporated, 20-30 minutes.  Stir in tomato paste until combined, about 1 minute; add tomatoes, salt, pepper, oregano, and basil.  Bring to simmer, then reduce heat to medium-low and cook until sauce is slightly thickened, about 15 minutes. (You should have about 6 cups meat sauce.) Cool meat sauce until just warm to the touch, about 30 minutes.

For the Béchamel: While the meat sauces simmers, melt butter in medium saucepan over medium heat until foaming.  Add flour and cook, whisking constantly, until thoroughly combined, about 1 1/2 minutes (mixture should not brown).  Gradually whisk in milk, increase heat to medium-high and bring to full boil, whisking frequently.  Add salt, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer 10 minutes, stirring occasionally with heatproof rubber spatula or wooden spoon, making sure to scrape bottom and corners of saucepan. (You should have about 3 1/3 cups. Cool béchamel until just warm to touch, about 30 minutes.

To Assemble and Bake: Adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 425F.  Place noodles in a 13x9-inch baking dish and cover with very hot tap water; soak 5 minutes, agitating noodles occasionally to prevent sticking.  Remove noodles from water, place in single layer on kitchen towel, and pat dry.  Wipe out baking dish. Stir béchamel to recombine; mix 3/4 cup warm béchamel into warm meat sauce until thoroughly combined.

Distribute 1 cup béchamel-enriched meat sauce in baking dish.  Place three noodles in single layer on top of sauce, arranging them close together, but not touching, at center of pan.  Spread 1 1/4 cups meat sauce evenly over noodles, spreading sauce to edge of noodles but not to edge of dish.  Drizzle 1/3 cup béchamel evenly over meat sauce.  Sprinkle 1/3 cup Parmesan even over béchamel.  Repeat layering of noodles, meat sauce, béchamel, and Parmesan cheese 3 more times.  Place final 3 noodles on top and cover completely with remaining béchamel, spreading béchamel with rubber spatula and allowing to spill over noodles.  Sprinkle evenly with remaining Parmesan.

Spray a large sheet of foil with nonstick cooking spray and cover lasagna; bake until bubbling, about 30 minutes.  Remove foil, increase heat to 450F, and continue to bake until surface is spotty brown, about 15 minutes.  Cool 15 minutes; cut into pieces and serve.

Penne Alla Vecchia Bettola

Penne Alla Vecchia Bettola

1/4 cup olive oil
1 medium yellow onion, chopped
3 cloves of garlic, diced or pressed
1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 1/2 teaspoons dried oregano
1 cup vodka
1 28-ounce can crushed tomatoes
Salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pound penne pasta
4 tablespoons fresh oregano
1 cup heavy cream or (to be healthier) fat-free half-and-half
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Heat oven to 375F.

Heat the olive oil in a large Dutch oven over medium heat.  Add the onions and garlic and cook for about 5 minutes until translucent.  Add the red pepper flakes and dried oregano and cook for 1 minute more. Add the vodka and continue cooking until the mixture is reduced by half.  Add tomatoes to pot.  Add 2 teaspoons salt and a pinch of black pepper. Cover the pan with a tight fitting lid and place it in the oven for 1 1/2 hours. Remove the pan from the oven and let it cool for 15 minutes. 

 This is what it'll look like, concentrated down into its essential crispy-edged nomminess.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil and cook the pasta al dente. Drain and set aside.  Place the tomato mixture in a blender and puree in batches until the sauce is a smooth consistency.  Return to the pan.  Reheat the sauce on low heat, add 2 tablespoons fresh oregano and enough heavy cream to make the sauce a creamy consistency.  

Add salt and pepper to taste, and simmer a few more minutes.  Toss the pasta into the sauce and stir until coated.  Stir in Parmesan cheese. 

Serve with an additional sprinkle of Parmesan and a sprinkle of fresh oregano on each plate.

Adapted from The Amateur Gourmet.

Recipes for the Barely Vertical

Often when looking for something to cook, one doesn't want to lurch an elaborate project into motion, with scores of ingredients and a timetable that looks like it should end in -zoic or -aceous. Sometimes you just want something to make for dinner that night, a weeknight say, when you have more important things to be doing than slaving over a hot stove – like slaving over a hot game system or computer.

It is with this in mind that I've introduced a new label category, “Lazy Fuck Recipes.” We're all lazy fucks at one time or another, me above all.   Now you don't have to feel bad about it.

I will mainly designate something this way if it's easy-peasy to throw together in a brief amount of time.  It was suggested that I should limit the number of ingredients to five or less, but if you're that lazy, go have cereal for dinner and get off my case.  We have to draw the line somewhere.  The very idea!

Just remember: cooking's not all that hard and doesn't have to be a hassle if you prep first and clean as you go.  I'm not the most ambitious or adventurous cook – I know what I like, and want to find the best ways to make what I like so I can spend as little time making things and cleaning up after it, and more time stuffing my face with it.  Maybe you'll be inspired to branch out of the lazy fuck stuff and into some other things.  Or don't; it's OK.  Just cook, whatever you do.

The Big Soup

So it's 90+ degrees F out, and I'm making soup.  I know.  Crazy.

Anyhoo, I usually try to avoid recipes with more ingredients than I have fingers, but I was really craving minestrone, and so here we are.  I think it was worth it:

Minestrone (which means "big soup") is great because it's one of those flexible recipes that allows for adding whatever combination of vegetables you might have on hand.  The tradition of it dates back to Roman times, and it's accommodated the introduction of new foods over time in a way that rustic cooking always does from necessity.  For more interesting background, see here.

Spicy and Hearty Minestrone

1/2 pound dried cannellini beans (about 1 cup), rinsed and picked over*
1 tablespoon olive oil
3 ounces pancetta or bacon, cut into 1/4" pieces
2 medium celery ribs, split down the centre and chopped into 1/2" pieces
1 medium carrot, peeled and cut into 1/2" pieces (about 3/4 cup)
2 small onions, peeled and cut into 1/2" pieces (about 1 1/2 cups)
1 medium zucchini, trimmed and sliced lengthwise, then cut into 1/2" pieces (about 1 cup)
3 garlic cloves, minced or pressed
1/2 small head cabbage, halved, cored, and cut into 1/2" pieces (about 2 cups)
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
8 cups water
2 cups chicken broth
1 piece Parmesan cheese rind, about 5 x 2 inches
2 bay leaves
1 can Hot and Spicy V-8 juice (1 1/2 cups)
1 14.5-ounce can diced tomatoes
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil leaves
ground black pepper
grated Parmesan cheese
2 cups small pasta, ditalini, miniature shells or elbows

Phew!  Enough stuff?

Dissolve 1 1/2 tablespoons salt in 2 quarts water in a large bowl.  Add beans and soak at room temperature between 8-24 hours.  Drain and rinse well.

Heat oil and pancetta or bacon in a large Dutch oven over medium-high heat.  Cook, stirring occasionally, until pancetta is lightly browned and fat has rendered, about 5 minutes.  

Add celery, carrot, onions, and zucchini.  Cook, stirring frequently, until vegetables are softened and lightly browned, about 9 minutes.  

Stir in garlic, cabbage, and red pepper flakes; continue to cook until cabbage starts to wilt, 1 to 2 minutes more.  Transfer vegetables to a bowl and set aside.

Add soaked beans, water, broth, Parmesan rind, tomatoes, and bay leaves to now-empty Dutch oven and bring to a boil over high heat.  Reduce heat and simmer, stirring occasionally, until beans are thoroughly tender and liquid has thickened, 45 to 60 minutes.

In the meantime, cook pasta until al dente.  Drain and rinse.

Add reserved vegetables and V-8 juice to pot, cook until vegetables are soft, about 15 minutes.  Discard bay leaves and Parmesan rind, stir in pasta and basil, and season with pepper.  Serve sprinkled generously with Parmesan.

*You can use canned beans if you like - drain and rinse them, and add them at the time when you add the vegetables back in.