So pull up a hock, steel your arteries, and make some Sweet and Spicy Bacon.
Preheat oven to 400F.
In a large glass casserole dish, lay out as many strips of your favourite bacon as you can jam in. Sprinkle a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar over it, drizzle with another couple of tablespoons of maple syrup, lace with as much cayenne pepper and freshly-ground black pepper as you can stand, and pop it in the oven.
Bake until it reaches the doneness you like, making sure to turn the strips with tongs partway through.
Remove from oven and, using tongs, take strips from the glass dish and lay them on a nonstick rack to drain. Avoid using paper towels for draining as the caramelised sugar will be very sticky and you'll end up with paper towel crap stuck all over your bacon, and that will never do.
Next, hoard it all for yourself. Let the others flail in their puny microwaved bacon disappointment while you gorge on luxurious meat candy.