Spicy Bacon Guacamole

Embarrassing revelation: I don't really care for avocado.  But I LOVE this.  It was my first time making guacamole, and I don't think it could be better.  See for yourself!

Here's a tip so you can make the guac ahead of time (even the day before!) and not have it turn black: press a layer of plastic wrap over its surface in the bowl, and then pour cool water on top, about 1/4".  When ready to serve, pour the water off, remove the plastic, and stir in any drips that get into the guac.  That layer will help prevent air from getting to the stuff. 

Spicy Bacon Guacamole

5 strips bacon
3 ripe avocados
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 small red onion, finely chopped (about 1/3 cup)
4 tablespoons chipotle peppers, chopped, plus 2 teaspoons liquid/sauce
1 plum tomato, seeded and chopped

HARD DIRECTIONS:

Place the bacon in a large skillet and set over medium heat. Cook, turning, until crispy, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined-plate to drain.

Meanwhile, halve and pit the avocados. Scoop the avocado into a medium bowl and add the lime juice, cumin, 3/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Mash with a fork until combined but still a bit chunky. Add the red onions, chipotle and brine, and tomatoes, reserving a few pieces of tomato for garnish.

Crumble the bacon into the bowl, saving a spoonful for garnish, and stir together to combine. 

EASY DIRECTIONS:

Microwave bacon.  Throw all the shit in a bowl.  Mash together.  Nom. 

From this...

 To this!

Bacon Choc Chip Biscotti

 
Yep, we're having a bit of a biscotti brouhaha... this time it's the intriguing:

Bacon Chocolate Chip Biscotti

5 strips bacon
2 cups flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
2 large eggs
1 cup dark chocolate chips
2+ cups chocolate for dipping

Cook bacon in microwave according to your preferred method (you can also fry it, but that's messier, so why bother?).  Chop or crumble crispy bacon into small pieces.  Set aside.

Whisk flour, baking powder, and salt in medium bowl.  In large bowl or stand mixer, beat butter and sugar until light and fluffy, two or three minutes.  Add eggs one at a time and beat to combine.  Add flour mixture and beat until blended.  Stir in bacon and chocolate chips.  Gather dough in ball and divide in half.  Wrap each half in plastic and refrigerate until firm, 20 to 30 minutes (dough will still be sticky).

Line baking sheet with parchment paper.   Preheat oven to 350ºF.  On floured surface, roll each piece of dough out into a 12 to 14-inch log.  Transfer logs to baking sheet spacing them 3-4 inches apart. Bake until light golden and dry to the touch, about 30 minutes.

Remove baking sheet from oven.  Reduce oven temperature to 300ºF.  Allow logs to cool for 15 minutes.  Transfer logs to cutting board.  Using serrated knife, slice logs on diagonal into 1/2-inch thick slices.  Return slices to baking sheet, standing upright, and bake until dry and golden, 20 to 30 minutes.  Slide biscotti on parchment to a wire rack to cool completely.

Melt dipping chocolate in a wide, shallow bowl, heating in microwave 30 seconds at a time, stirring between, until melted.  Dip bottoms of cooled biscotti into chocolate, allowing excess to drip back into bowl.  Allow to set on wax paper.

You can't really SEE the bacon, but it's in there, and gives a nice slightly smoky complexity that underscores the richness of the chocolate.  In other words: YUM.

Recipe from here.

Bacon Jam. Wait..... WHAT??! You Heard Me.

It's sweet, spicy, smoky, and irresistible on toasted sourdough or with cheese and crackers.

Bacon Jam

1 pound thick smoked bacon, cut into 1 inch pieces
1 small onion, sliced
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1/4 cup cider vinegar
3/4 cup coffee (brewed)
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup bourbon
2 chipotle chilis in adobo, chopped
1/2 teaspoon cumin
pepper to taste

Cook the bacon in a large sauce pan an over medium heat until the fat has rendered and the bacon starts to get crispy and set aside, reserving 1 tablespoon of the grease in the pan.

Add the onions and sauté until tender, about 5-7 minutes.  Add the garlic and sauté until fragrant, about a minute.  Add the vinegar and deglaze the pan.  Add the coffee, brown sugar, maple syrup, bourbon, bacon, chipotle chilies, cumin and pepper, reduce the heat and simmer until reduced to a syrupy consistency, about 1-2 hours.

Process the jam in a food processor or blender to smooth it out a bit but not too much as you want to have the texture of the bacon.  If you don't finish it all in one sitting, store it in a sealed container in the fridge for up to 4 weeks.  Can be canned in sterile jars to last longer.

From Closet Cooking.

Burgundy Is the Colour of My True Love's Dinner

This stuff is so good you'll want to eat it for every meal until it's gone.  And you will.  I served it over noodles, but on mashed or roasted potatoes would also be delicious - or even by itself with crusty sourdough to dip into it would be a winner.  Rich, beefy, and savoury... nom... I think I need seconds now.

Beef Burgundy

8 ounces bacon
4 pounds beef chuck stew meat, fat trimmed, cut into 1-inch cubes
Fresh ground black pepper
1 large onion, chopped fine
2 carrots, peeled and chopped fine
8 garlic cloves, minced or pressed
2 teaspoons thyme
3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
4 tablespoons tomato paste
2 1/2 cups Pinot Noir or other red wine
1 1/2 cups beef broth
1/3 cup soy sauce
3 bay leaves
3 tablespoons Minute Tapioca

Cook bacon in a large pan (I use a Dutch oven) over medium-high heat until crisp.  Using tongs, transfer bacon to a paper towel.  Pour half of bacon fat into a small bowl, and leave the rest in the pan.

 Someone always becomes very attentive when there's bacon involved

Dry beef chunks thoroughly with paper towels.  Season with pepper.  Heat pan containing bacon fat over medium-high heat until just smoking.  Cook beef until deep brown on all sides.  Transfer browned beef to slow cooker insert. 

Add reserved bacon fat to empty pan and heat over medium-high heat until shimmering.  Add onion and carrots and cook until vegetables begin to brown, about 5 minutes.  Add garlic and thyme and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.  Add tomato paste and stir until it begins to brown, about 45 seconds.  Transfer mixture to slow cooker insert.

Return now-empty pan to high heat and add 1 1/2 cups wine, beef broth, Worcestershire sauce, and soy sauce.  Simmer, scraping up brown bits, until pan is clean, about 1 minute.  Transfer mixture to slow cooker insert.

Stir bay leaves and tapioca, and crumble bacon into slow cooker insert.  Set slow cooker on low, cover, and cook until meat is fork-tender, about 9 hours.

When ready to serve, discard bay leaves.  Bring remaining 1 cup wine to a boil in a pan over high heat and simmer until reduced by half, about 5 minutes.  Stir into slow cooker.  Serve.

It's Bacony, It's Cheesy, It's Puffy - What's Not To Love?

It's not nutrish, but it is most def delish.

Bacon and Cheese Danish

1 sheet store-bought puff pasty, cut into quarters

8 slices cooked bacon

About ¼ cup cheese – blue (crumbled) or extra-sharp Cheddar (grated)

½ cup sour cream

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

2 teaspoons spicy mustard

½ teaspoon paprika

Fresh ground black pepper

Egg wash for pastry top

Preheat oven to 400F.  In a small bowl stir together the sour cream, Worcestershire, mustard, paprika, and as much pepper as you like.  The consistency should be thick.  Put quartered puff pastry on a baking sheet.  Spread squares with the sour cream mixture, then sprinkle with cheese.  Place two slices of the cooked bacon on top of that, then bring two opposite corners together and seal.  Brush pastry top with beaten egg.

Bake for 15-25 minutes, or until golden brown.  Then eat them all before everyone else gets up and feign ignorance when they ask you what that heavenly aroma is.

I imagine some caramelised onions or a tomato slice on these wouldn't go amiss, either...  hmmmm...!

Pasta and Broccoli with Bacon and Spicy Cheese Sauce

Cheese sauce is one of those things that are heavenly when homemade, and just as easy to make, in truth, as some abysmal boxed mac and cheese spackle.  And the taste is as different as ambrosia is to raw sloth spleens, so unless you have some perverse penchant for raw sloth spleens, you have no excuse not to make your own cheese sauce.  It will bring you happiness and contentment, purpose and meaning, earn you friends, get you a raise at work and the respect of your coworkers as well as the awe of young children who will gawp in goggle-eyed wonder as you leave rainbows in your wake; it will teach you to rumba and do your taxes and generally turn your life around.  A good cheese sauce can do just about anything.*

 
Pasta and Broccoli with Bacon and Spicy Cheese Sauce

Cook ten pieces of bacon in your preferred way.  The easiest technique is in the microwave, but if you want something more flavourful and have the time, I recommend this method.  Chop into small pieces and set aside.

Cut up into small pieces and steam two crowns of broccoli to desired doneness (don't let it turn to mush.  Just tender and bright green is best).  Set aside.

Boil whatever pasta you like according to the package directions.  It's best to use a variety that will hold the sauce well.  While doing this, make the cheese sauce.

Ingredients here are somewhat fluid, depending on how much you want to make and what consistency you like your sauce to be.  You really just need to fool around with it until you get the feel - and no mistakes are unfixable... if too thick, add milk.  If too thin, add cheese.  If the shaker top falls off the cayenne... well, sweat it out, buster.  You'll get it.  The basics, quantified where possible, are:

2-3 tablespoons butter
1-3 tablespoons flour
Milk (use whatever fat content you like, but I use nonfat (don't kill me!) and the sauce still will be thick)
Grated extra sharp Cheddar cheese
Crumbled blue cheese, the more potent the better
Sherry
Worcestershire sauce
Cayenne pepper
Black pepper, freshly ground
Nutmeg, freshly grated

In a medium saucepan, melt butter.  Add enough flour (a tablespoon or two, or three depending on how much butter you used) to make a paste.  Whisk constantly until blended - be careful it doesn't burn.  Add milk - I do 2-3 cups.  Whisk to blend into a roux.  Dribble in about a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce and pour in about 1/4 cup sherry.  Whisk.  Turn heat to very low.  Start adding cheeses and whisk to melt them, adding enough to get the consistency you like.  If you put in a bit too much and it gets too thick, add a smidge of milk.  Whisk over very low heat until all cheese is melted and the texture becomes smooth.  Finally, stir in lots of black pepper, cayenne pepper, and nutmeg - again, whatever degree of spice you like (I like a lot).

Dish up the pasta, distribute broccoli and bacon, ladle on oceans of the cheese sauce; then sit back and wait for your life to metamorphose into a glorious apogee of beauty and oneness with the universe.  At least while you're eating.

NOM.

*Not an actual claim that cheese sauce can do anything but be delicious**

**But it actually can

Bolognese of the Gods

Seriously Good Bolognese Sauce

Makes 4-6 servings 2 tablespoons olive oil 2 medium onions, finely chopped (about 1 1/2 cups) 2 celery stalks, finely chopped (about 1 cup) 2 carrots, peeled, finely chopped (about 3/4 cup) 3 cloves garlic, minced or pressed 8 ounces lean ground beef 8 ounces ground veal* 6 strips bacon, finely chopped 3/4 cup red wine 3 cups (approximately) beef stock 2 cans tomato paste 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce Any herbs you fancy - oregano, marjoram, or thyme A few pinches of red pepper flakes Kosher salt and coarsely ground black pepper 1 cup milk If you don't have a food processor to chop the veg, use a cheese grater - it'll be hard going with the stringiness of celery, but it will get it to the fineness needed better than straight chopping.  Just watch those fingers and knuckles - there are enough types of meat in this recipe already! Heat oil in a large heavy pot over medium-high heat.  Add bacon, cook until browned.  Add onions, celery, and carrots. Sauté until soft, 8-10 minutes.  Add garlic and cook for another minute.  Add beef and veal.  Sauté, breaking up meat chunks with the back of a spoon as finely as possible, until browned - about 15 minutes. Add wine; boil 1 minute, stirring often and scraping up browned bits. Add 2 1/2 cups stock and tomato paste, Worcestershire, herbs, and red pepper; stir to blend. Reduce heat to very low and gently simmer, stirring occasionally, until flavors meld, about 1 1/2 hours. Season with salt and pepper if desired.  Warm milk gently in microwave; gradually add to sauce. Cover pot with lid slightly ajar and simmer over low heat, stirring occasionally, about 45 minutes.  Add more stock by 1/4-cupfuls to thin if needed.

This is one of those sauces that is better if made ahead of time and slowly reheated after having a chance to commingle.  Plus it freezes well - allow to thaw, or reheat at very low power in the microwave. Serve over piles of your favourite pasta and top with drifts of freshly grated Parmesan.  And do make sure and drink the rest of that bottle of wine with it. *You can use all beef if you prefer.

Sweet and Spicy Bacon

Nothing says 'Welcome!' like tasty pig products.

So pull up a hock, steel your arteries, and make some Sweet and Spicy Bacon.

Preheat oven to 400F.

In a large glass casserole dish, lay out as many strips of your favourite bacon as you can jam in.  Sprinkle a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar over it, drizzle with another couple of tablespoons of maple syrup, lace with as much cayenne pepper and freshly-ground black pepper as you can stand, and pop it in the oven.

Bake until it reaches the doneness you like, making sure to turn the strips with tongs partway through.

Remove from oven and, using tongs, take strips from the glass dish and lay them on a nonstick rack to drain.  Avoid using paper towels for draining as the caramelised sugar will be very sticky and you'll end up with paper towel crap stuck all over your bacon, and that will never do.

Next, hoard it all for yourself.  Let the others flail in their puny microwaved bacon disappointment while you gorge on luxurious meat candy.