Spicy Bacon Guacamole

Embarrassing revelation: I don't really care for avocado.  But I LOVE this.  It was my first time making guacamole, and I don't think it could be better.  See for yourself!

Here's a tip so you can make the guac ahead of time (even the day before!) and not have it turn black: press a layer of plastic wrap over its surface in the bowl, and then pour cool water on top, about 1/4".  When ready to serve, pour the water off, remove the plastic, and stir in any drips that get into the guac.  That layer will help prevent air from getting to the stuff. 

Spicy Bacon Guacamole

5 strips bacon
3 ripe avocados
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 small red onion, finely chopped (about 1/3 cup)
4 tablespoons chipotle peppers, chopped, plus 2 teaspoons liquid/sauce
1 plum tomato, seeded and chopped

HARD DIRECTIONS:

Place the bacon in a large skillet and set over medium heat. Cook, turning, until crispy, 8 to 10 minutes. Transfer to a paper-towel-lined-plate to drain.

Meanwhile, halve and pit the avocados. Scoop the avocado into a medium bowl and add the lime juice, cumin, 3/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Mash with a fork until combined but still a bit chunky. Add the red onions, chipotle and brine, and tomatoes, reserving a few pieces of tomato for garnish.

Crumble the bacon into the bowl, saving a spoonful for garnish, and stir together to combine. 

EASY DIRECTIONS:

Microwave bacon.  Throw all the shit in a bowl.  Mash together.  Nom. 

From this...

 To this!

Key Lime Pie Ice Cream

Well... key lime in spirit anyway.  I used plain old regular limes.  Um, except they were big and yellow and looked like lemons, so the ice cream didn't turn out green at all.  Nonetheless, this is the limiest!  And did I mention easy?  No cooking!  Mix the stuff in a bowl, and into the freezer in minutes flat.  No excuses now!

Key Lime Pie Ice Cream

1 1/2 cups whole milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
1/2 cup lime juice (or juice from 2 big limes, whichever is more), or bottled Key lime juice
Zest from 2 big limes
Dash of salt
8 graham crackers (2 cookie sheets), coarsely crushed

In a large bowl, combine milk, cream, sweetened condensed milk, lime zest, lime juice, and salt; whisk to combine.

Pour mixture into your ice cream freezer, and freeze according to manufacturer's instructions. Stir crushed graham crackers into ice cream. Spoon ice cream into a freezer-safe container, cover, and freeze until firm. Serve with extra crumbled graham crackers, if desired.

Honey Garlic Balsamic Chicken

Honey Garlic Balsamic Chicken

3 boneless, skinless, chicken breasts
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 cup chicken broth
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
3 chopped garlic cloves

1 1/2 teaspoons honey

Pat the chicken dry with paper towels.  Season with salt and pepper.  Melt the butter over medium-high heat and add the olive oil.  Add the chicken to the pan.  Cook the chicken until both sides are brown and the chicken is cooked through, about 7 minutes on each side.  Take the chicken out of the pan, and put on a plate and tent with foil.  Add the chicken broth, balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, garlic, and honey to the pan.  Cook for about 5 minutes, the sauce will thicken.  Use a spatula to get the browned bits off of the bottom of the pan.  Slice the chicken on a bias, and spoon the pan sauce over the top.

From here.

Red Wine and Rosemary Marinara Sauce

Red Wine and Rosemary Marinara Sauce

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 cup chopped onion
4 garlic cloves, minced
3/4 cup dry red wine
2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons dried basil
2 teaspoons dried rosemary, crushed
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1/4 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes
1 (6-ounce) can tomato paste

Step 1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and garlic; sauté 3 minutes. 

Step 2. Add the rest of the ingredients (wine through tomato paste). Bring to a simmer; cook 20 minutes or until thick. 

Step 3.  Whoops, that's it.  Serve over pasta and drink the rest of that bottle of wine. 

Adapted from a Cooking Light recipe from July 1997.

Double Chocolate Zucchini Bread

Finally - zucchini bread that tastes NOTHING LIKE ZUCCHINI!  In fact, it tastes EVERYTHING LIKE CHOCOLATE!  And it's easy, using only one bowl, and throws together in about ten minutes.

Double Chocolate Zucchini Bread

2 eggs
1/3 cup agave nectar or sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil (I use applesauce instead)
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon espresso powder
1/3 cup Dutch-process cocoa
1 2/3 cups flour
2 to 2 1/2 cups shredded, unpeeled zucchini, gently pressed
1 1/4 cups chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350F; lightly grease an 8 1/2" x 4 1/2" loaf pan.

In a large mixing bowl, beat the eggs, agave, oil, brown sugar, and vanilla until smooth.  Add the salt, baking soda, baking powder, espresso powder, cocoa, and flour, mixing until well combined.  Stir in the zucchini and chocolate chips.  Pour the batter into the prepared pan.

Bake the bread for 65 to 75 minutes, until the loaf tests done (a toothpick or cake tester inserted into the center will come out clean, save for perhaps a light smear of chocolate from the melted chips). Remove the bread from the oven, and let it cool for 10 to 15 minutes before turning it out of the pan onto a rack.  Cool completely before slicing; store well-wrapped, at room temperature.  (I used two smaller pans and reduced baking time to 45 minutes)

Adapted from the good people at King Arthur Flour.

Easy Grilled Lemon Chicken

Easy Grilled Lemon Chicken

4 (6 ounce) boneless, skinless chicken breasts, rinsed, trimmed of fat, & patted dry with paper towels
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
1 tablespoon rice vinegar
1/2 teaspoon chili oil OR 1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes - or both if you're insane!

Mix all ingredients (except chicken) in a quart-size sealable plastic bag.  Add chicken and seal.  Let me rephrase that... we're not actually having seal.  I mean seal THE BAG.  Arrange bag so chicken has been coated all over.  Place in refrigerator and let marinate for a minimum of one hour, but no longer than 24 hours - though the longer the better, in my opinion.

Prepare grill, remove chicken from marinade; discard marinade liquid.  Cook chicken to desired doneness, 6-8 minutes per side.  Serve with other yummy stuff.

Sausage/Hash Brown/Cheddar Bake

So I just made this up on the fly as part of Easter brunch this morning - and wow, it's pretty darned good if I do say so.  And even better, really easy.  I used reduced fat sausage and cheese, so I only feel mildly guilty for having seconds.  And maybe thirds.  OK, I feel kinda guilty about that.

Sausage/Hash Brown/Cheddar Bake

1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 pound pork sausage (I use the Jimmy Dean reduced fat kind)
1 onion, minced
1 can Campbell's cheddar cheese soup, undiluted
2 cups grated Cheddar cheese
1 pound (16 ounces, or half a package) Ore-Ida Southern Style frozen hash browns, or similar
fresh ground black pepper

Heat oven to 350F.  In a nonstick skillet heat heat oil and sauté onions until translucent.  Add sausage and cook through, using spoon to break into small pieces.  Spread sausage evenly into an 8" square glass baking dish.  Spoon soup over the meat and top with half of the cheese and a sprinkle of pepper.  Spread frozen hash browns on top; cover with the other half of the cheese and more pepper.  Bake 1 hour, and then put under the broiler for a few minutes to brown and crisp up the top.

Bacon Bolognese

  
Bacon Bolognese

5 strips bacon, chopped
1 medium carrot, chopped fine or grated
1 stalk celery, chopped fine or grated
4 cloves garlic, chopped fine or grated
¾ cup beef broth
1 28-ounce can diced or whole tomatoes (I use San Marzanos and cut them up in the pot)
1 tablespoon oregano
1 tablespoon basil
lots of grated Parmesan

In a large saucepan or dutch oven cook bacon over medium-high heat until brown but not completely done. Add carrots, celery, onion, and garlic, and cook until onions are soft. Add broth, tomatoes, oregano and basil. If using whole tomatoes, snip them up in the pan with kitchen shears. Simmer over low heat for an hour.  Season with fresh ground black pepper.

Serve over hot pasta with loads of Parmesan.

Panko Breaded Cod

Panko Breaded Cod

4 cod fillets, 4-6 ounces each

¼ cup flour

2 teaspoons garlic powder

2 teaspoons onion powder

¼ teaspoon salt

¼ teaspoon fresh ground black pepper

1 cup Panko bread crumbs

1 tablespoon paprika

¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 egg

1 tablespoon lemon juice + extra for squeezing on after

Heat oven to 375 F. Mix flour, garlic and onion powders, paprika, cayenne pepper, salt, and black pepper on a plate for dredging. Put Panko on another plate. In a bowl, whisk the egg and lemon juice well. Pat fillets dry with a paper towel. Dredge through the flour mixture. Dip through the egg mixture. Coat with the Panko, pressing crumbs onto fillet. Place cod on a baking sheet that has been coated with cooking spray. Bake for 30 minutes, turning half way through baking.

Rumble for a Crumble

Blackberry Crumble

1 quart fresh blackberries

3/4 cup sugar

1/2 cup quick cooking oats

1/2 cup flour

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter

2 tablespoons creme de cassis

Heat oven to 350F.  Place blackberries in large bowl.  Sprinkle with sugar and creme de cassis; mix well.  Let stand for several minutes.  Combine oats, flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon in another bowl; mix well.  Cut in butter with a pastry cutter or two knives until crumbly.  Spoon blackberries evenly into buttered 8" square baking dish.  Sprinkle crumble mixture over top of berries.  Bake for 30-35 minutes.  Allow to cool slightly; best served with custard or vanilla ice cream!

Chile Colorado & Mexican Rice

Chile Colorado

1 1/2 pounds stew beef (but I use top sirloin) cubed in 1/2" pieces
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 yellow onion, minced fine
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 28-ounce can enchilada sauce (at whatever spice level you like)
1 cup beef broth
2 teaspoons cumin
1 teaspoon chipotle chili powder
2 tablespoons flour

In a dutch oven, heat oil.  Add meat, onions, and garlic and cook until onions are translucent and meat browned all over.  Add flour and cook until absorbed.  Add cumin and chili powder.  Add broth, simmer until thickened into a gravy.  Add enchilada sauce.  Cover and simmer over low heat until meat is tender - 2 1/2 to 3 hours.  Serve with Mexican rice.


Mexican Rice

1 cup white rice
2 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 small yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, finely minced
1/4 cup (4 tablespoons) tomato paste
1 tablespoon lime juice
1/4 cup of freshly chopped cilantro
2 teaspoons cumin

In a medium pan, add rice and chicken broth.  Bring to a boil over high heat.  Stir.  Cover the pot, lower the heat to low and simmer for 17-20 minutes.  Remove from heat and keep pan covered for 5 more minutes.

While the rice is cooking, heat the olive oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat.  Cook the onions for 10 minutes, until translucent and starting to brown.  Add the garlic to the skillet and cook for one minute, stirring constantly.  Stir in tomato paste and cumin and cook for another minute or two.  Mix in hot, cooked rice, lime juice, and cilantro.  Mix until well combined.

I'm Cuckoo For Coconuts

Is it cake?  Is it bread?  Errr.... yes!  Well, who the hell cares - whatever it is it's full of coconutty good stuff.

Coconut Cake Bread

2 cups flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

1 teaspoon coconut extract

2 eggs

3/4 cup canned coconut milk

1 generous cup packed flake coconut

Heat oven to 350F.  Prepare two 9 x 5 loaf pans.

In a bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, and salt.  Set aside.  In another bowl (or mixer), beat together butter and vanilla and coconut extract.  Add eggs one at a time, beating after each addition.  Add coconut milk alternately the dry ingredients, beginning and ending with the dry.  Fold in coconut.

Split batter into the two prepared pans.  Bake 45 minutes or until wooden pick inserted in centre comes out clean.  Cool in pan 10 minutes, then turn out onto wire rack to cool completely.

Pasta alla Puttanesca - What Ho!

There're a lot of apocryphal tales of puttanesca sauce having been created by Italian prostitutes, who used the delightful cooking smells of this dish to lure in customers.  While it's a cute, slightly risque story, it's most likely a bunch of hooey, from what I've read - but who really cares, because this sauce is spicy and salty and wonderful.  Whores or no whores, this stuff is good! (there's a phrase I don't get to say very often...)  If your nose isn't running by the time you've finished dinner, you're doing it wrong. 

Pasta alla Puttanesca

1/2 pound pasta
1/8 cup extra virgin olive oil
4 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 yellow onion, minced
3 anchovy filets, cut into bits (I used anchovy paste, but filets are better)
1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon tomato paste
2 tablespoons capers, well drained
1/3 cup Kalamata olives, sliced
1 14.5-oz can pureed or diced tomatoes

Bring a pot of water to a boil for the pasta.  When the water reaches a boil, pour the olive oil into a big pan with a lid (large enough to accommodate the cooked pasta).  Put the onion, garlic, and anchovies into the cold oil and bring the heat up to medium-high. When it starts sizzling stir it all around.  Garlic can burn quickly, so watch carefully; push the garlic/onion/anchovy mix to one half of the skillet, and in the other half shake in the red pepper flakes to taste and add the tomato paste.  Stir the tomato paste around in its spot for a moment and then stir everything in the skillet all together.  Add the capers and olives and give it a stir, and finally, add the tomatoes.  Bring the sauce to a boil, then cover and lower the heat to low so it simmers. 

Boil the pasta.  While it's cooking, check the sauce and adjust seasoning if needed - add fresh ground black pepper if you like.  Now let it cook with the lid off so it thickens for the remaining time it takes for the pasta to cook.

When the pasta is al dente, drain it and add it to the sauce. Stir well to coat.  Serve with lots of Parmesan cheese!

Welsh Rarebit

Welsh Rarebit

2 tablespoons butter

2 tablespoons flour

1/3 cup milk

1/2 cup beer – I use porter, but you can use anything dark and flavourful

2 teaspoons dry mustard

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1/4 teaspoon cayenne

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

1-1/2 cup extra sharp Cheddar cheese, grated

Melt butter in a saucepan over low heat.  Add flour and whisk together until combined.  Cook over low heat about one minute, until a nutty brown colour.  Pour in milk and beer, whisking constantly, and cook for an additional minute or until it starts to thicken.  Add mustard, paprika, and cayenne and whisk.  Add cheese and whisk slowly, cooking for a couple of minutes or until smooth, melted, and very hot.  Serve immediately over toast.

I never met a cheese sauce I didn't like.

Slightly adapted from here.

Broiled Apricots with Cookie Crumbs and Almonds

I'm visiting a friend tonight and wanted to bring a little something.  Another friend gave me a huge bag of apricots today, so this pretty much solved my problem - except I didn't have time to bake a cake or anything else.  I came up with this as a sort of desserty hors d'oeurvre.

Broiled Apricots with Cookie Crumbs and Almonds

Apricots
Butter
Brown sugar
Cinnamon
Butter cookies
Slivered almonds

Turn on broiler to low.  Halve apricots and put on a rimmed baking sheet or, better still so you don't have to move them, an ovenproof serving dish.  Dot each apricot half with a tiny amount of butter.  Sprinkle brown sugar over the halves, followed by a light dusting of cinnamon.  Crush butter cookies in a sealable sandwich bag.  Sprinkle cookie crumbs on apricots, and top with slivered almonds.

Bake under the broiler, keeping careful watch as the almonds can go from zero to cinder quite quickly.  Remove when sugar and butter are melty and bubbly, about 5 minutes.  Cool slightly before serving.  Top with ice cream if you like!

What To Do With That Leftover Buttercream?

Well, you make oatmeal cream pies, of course!  I found a recipe that doesn't have a lot of sugar - with all that buttercream you don't need an overly-sweet cookie.

Oatmeal Cream Pies

Makes about 7 good-sized pies

1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened
2/3 cup light brown sugar, packed
1 large egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3/4 cup flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
Leftover buttercream frosting, about 2 cups (or less)

In a large bowl, cream together the butter, brown sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth.  In a separate bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together.  Stir this into the butter/sugar mixture. Stir in the oats.

Chill the dough for about a half hour and preheat oven to 350F.

The cookies should be two inches apart on a parchment-lined baking sheet.  Dip the flat bottom of a glass in flour and gently press each cookie flat on top.  You'll need to re-flour after every press.  Bake them for 10-12 minutes, taking them out when golden at the edges but still a little undercooked-looking on top.  Let them sit on the hot baking sheet for five minutes before transferring them to a rack to cool.  

Match the cookies up according to size so they pair well.  Let cool completely before dolloping buttercream on them and sandwiching them together.  It's best to chill them a bit to let the buttercream harden slightly.

Recipe - omitting raisins and nuts - adapted from here.

Sez Who? Sesame, That's Who!

This couldn't be easier - some stuff in the blender, a few vegetables chopped, some noodles boiled - toss it all around in a pan, and there you go.  In fact, you could make the sauce the night before and heat it up when you get home from work to cut the cooking time a bit more.  It has a powerful nutty/salty/sweet flavour - I'd probably add more chili paste (perhaps double, because I like the spice), but do as suits you.  I also added some stir-fried snow peas - you could also try water chestnuts, stir-fried broccoli, or other veg.  Thin strips of beef cooked on the grill wouldn't go amiss, either...

Sesame Noodles with Peanut Sauce*
 

1/4 cup sesame seeds
1/2 cup chunky peanut butter
4 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons fresh ginger, minced
10 tablespoons soy sauce
4 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon chili garlic paste
4 tablespoons light brown sugar
Hot water

16 ounces noodles
2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil
4 scallions (green onions), sliced thin on diagonal
1 medium carrot, grated

Toast the sesame seeds in a medium skillet over medium heat, stirring frequently, until golden and fragrant, about 10 minutes.  Reserve 1 tablespoon sesame seeds in a small bowl.  In a blender or food processor, puree the remaining 3 tablespoons sesame seeds with peanut butter, garlic, ginger, soy sauce, rice vinegar, chili paste, and brown sugar until smooth, about 30 seconds.  If sauce is too thick, with the machine running add hot water 1 tablespoon at time until the sauce has the consistency of heavy cream – slightly  thickened but pourable.  Set blender jar or workbowl aside.

Cook noodles according to package directions.  Rinse noodles well and drain.  Put noodles either in a large bowl or the pot you cooked them in.   Toss noodles with sesame oil using tongs until evenly coated. Add scallions, carrot, and sauce; toss to combine. Divide among individual bowls, sprinkle each bowl with portion of reserved toasted sesame seeds, and serve immediately.  (May need slight heating in microwave)

*Errrr.... may contain peanuts...

Sweet and Spicy Bacon

Nothing says 'Welcome!' like tasty pig products.

So pull up a hock, steel your arteries, and make some Sweet and Spicy Bacon.

Preheat oven to 400F.

In a large glass casserole dish, lay out as many strips of your favourite bacon as you can jam in.  Sprinkle a couple of tablespoons of brown sugar over it, drizzle with another couple of tablespoons of maple syrup, lace with as much cayenne pepper and freshly-ground black pepper as you can stand, and pop it in the oven.

Bake until it reaches the doneness you like, making sure to turn the strips with tongs partway through.

Remove from oven and, using tongs, take strips from the glass dish and lay them on a nonstick rack to drain.  Avoid using paper towels for draining as the caramelised sugar will be very sticky and you'll end up with paper towel crap stuck all over your bacon, and that will never do.

Next, hoard it all for yourself.  Let the others flail in their puny microwaved bacon disappointment while you gorge on luxurious meat candy.